To Dad

Bea and Wayne

WELL – here we are, Father’s Day. I was thinking about you, Dad, looking down at me from your Heaven. This isn’t to say I only think of you on Father’s Day but it did remind me of something you used to ask me from time to time; "What were you thinking?" or my favorite "Sometimes I wonder if you think at all". Looking back, I can understand the wondering. But heck, I was just a young kid and, of course, I knew everything, even without thinking.

As I grew up and gained experience in more of what life had to offer,  I did find myself thinking more about what would happen, if...  I did, in fact, see things that made me wonder and think. It wasn’t a secret I found some “substances” to expand my thinking process. To this day, I believe it was a good and right thing for me to do.

Anyhow, along the way, I met a girl.

At the time, she was the "girl of my dreams" and we soon married. We had good times and some great times and some not-so-great times. A lot of fine things grew from our relationship even though a long history was not in the cards. The best thing to come from our relationship was "The Daughter".

You remember "The Daughter", eyes that reach into my soul and a smile that, that, just warms my heart. I loved her mother but, The Daughter just lights up my life. Looking at her and watching her learn; putting dish soap into the dishwasher - just trying to help - and the terror on her face when I came home to suds all over the kitchen. It was then, when after all of the "dumb" things I did growing up, I finally understood why you never knocked me over the fence.

Remember when I asked you if I could go to the concert in The City and was absolutely shocked by your resounding "NO!" You trusted me, but you also knew me, who I was and at what stage of life, and how big a mistake that would have been (don't tell anybody but, once again, you were probably right). I guess I was a little luckier with her than you were with me. I let her go. I trusted her. She was so scared of letting me down she did everything right, (though I’ll bet she didn't have nearly as much fun as I would have), and came home safely.

I didn't raise her by the same rules as you raised me, but I did use the guidelines you installed in me for my reference: take responsibility for your actions; look out for the other guy; pick up a piece of trash along the way; never call in sick on Monday. You remember - those kinds of things.
Freedoms and responsibility go hand in hand. You never came out and said it but that is what I learned from your teachings. Maybe that is part of what I was thinking about when you asked "What were you thinking" and all I could come up with was "I don't know" or "nothing."  (By the way, I get it now, why that used to irk you SO MUCH.)

The Daughter is out on her own now. All seems well with her, though she doesn't share a lot of information with me, (sound familiar?). She has a strong support group and is loved and respected by her friends and coworkers.

I have done my best and owe most of the credit to your inspiration and leadership. Now I guess I must ask, “What are you thinking? How am I doing?”

With love, The Son